Monday, October 3, 2011

New US State Slogans: c/o D3P

I'd like to introduce my suggestions for some new state mottoes and slogans.  I think the old ones need a little sprucing up, and who would do a better job than D3P?  It was a rhetorical question, but feel free to shout "nobody" when you next leave the house.  I'm sure everyone will understand you are expressing an opinion about a blog you read, and not think you are a raving lunatic who is arguing with your imaginary pet narwhol.  If you have any suggestions of your own, feel free to leave them in the comments below.  If I find your suggestion to be better than the one I had, then you will soon find it in the body of the blog.  You can check back later to see if you made the cut, and then you can check that item off of your bucket list.  If you don't already have "Be a guest contributor to D3P" on your bucket list, then add it immediately, and begin scheming your way to accomplish such a worthy goal in life.  For now, just enjoy the new D3P state mottoes and slogans.  I know I enjoyed writing them.


Alabama: We've really toned down our racism, but stay on the main roads (just in case).

Alaska: We can't see Russia from our houses, but we do have other things to see.

Arizona: We really like turquoise!

Arkansas: Bill Clinton was our most famous resident, and our official state beverage is milk. We are the land of bad choices.

California: Making Colorado seem moderate since 1850.

Colorado: California isn't the only state with a hippie infestation.

Connecticut: The only “real” state to never ratify Prohibition (Rhode Island doesn't count).

Delaware: We're still working on an identity.

Florida: Your grandparents live here, so why don't you visit more often?
            "God's waiting room."- Erin Wright Bagley

Georgia: We have Atlanta surrounded.

Hawaii: Want to go where everything is more expensive? Take a really long flight, and find out for yourself.

Idaho: Creating punchlines for sophomoric jokes since 1890.

Illinois: The “S” is silent. Unfortunately, our people aren't.

Indiana: Hoosier favorite state for unnecessary puns?

Iowa: We would merge with Ohio if we knew how.

Kansas: Are you a fan of seeing prisons every 5 miles? Well, you're in the right place!

Kentucky: Bluegrass is kind of like jazz, except it's played by people with less skill and rhythm.

Louisiana: Currently under construction.

Maine: We're not quite Canadian.

Maryland: Do you like crab cakes and rampant street crime? Come to Maryland!

Massachusetts: We haven't burned witches in ages (only flags).

Michigan: Unemployed and proud!

Minnesota: The land of 10,000 lakes and one BIG ASS mall!

Mississippi: More S's per capita than any other state in the nation.

Missouri: It's only pronounced “Misery” if you have to live here, so just visit for a few days.

Montana: Helena is not Joe's wife. It's a real city, with people and buildings too!

Nebraska: We're obsessed with corn, because that's really all we have.

Nevada: We're not just hookers and gambling, we have other stuff too.

New Hampshire: It's just like Old Hampshire, but you know... newer.

New Jersey: Don't believe everything you hear, the whole state doesn't smell like raw sewage.

New Mexico: Take a right turn in Albuquerque.

New York: We keep the Jews in “The City”, and the hicks in the country. It works for us.

North Carolina: Do you know what a Tarheel is? Neither do we.

North Dakota: South Dakota can suck it, we're the “real” Dakota!

Ohio: Baseball is America's past time, but it's the only way to pass the time in Ohio.

Oklahoma: The best thing we can say about ourselves is, “We're OK.”

Oregon: Washington's Mexico.

Pennsylvania: We apologize for anything you experience in Philadelphia, we're working on that.

Rhode Island: Our state is 37 miles wide... in a row!

South Carolina: The 1st to secede, and still not ready to concede.

South Dakota: What did North Dakota say? Fuck those guys!

Tennessee: The Volunteer State. As in, nobody volunteers to live here.

Texas: Where everything is bigger, except hearts and brains.

Utah: No, you can't do that here.  Try Nevada.

Vermont: We have black people now!

Virginia: Mason Dixon is a state line and a state of mind.

Washington: We're Oregon's Canada!

West Virginia: Just like regular Virginia, but with less teeth.

Wisconsin: Our main interests are beer, cheese and sausage. We'd recommend lighting a match.

Wyoming: Most of our population is far less evil than Dick Cheney. We promise!

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