Necessary. I felt like necessary should be the first word in this random act of of literature. It started yesterday as I was driving home. I was thinking about writing in the Italian leather-bound journal I received as a gift last Christmas. I decided I had to write at least one word in it. Something impactful. Something meaningful. What should it be? I settled upon "necessary.” It is both the feeling that I have in my heart, and the one word that has been the bane of my existence. It is the one word that no matter how many times I write it, I can never seem to spell it correctly. That is, until I press F7 on my computer keyboard. Unfortunately, a leather-bound journal does not have spell check. In my most careful and purposeful penmanship, I spelled it out. N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y. I was delightfully surprised when I verified that my spelling was indeed correct.
I have recently come to the conclusion that although I do not get paid to write anything professionally, I am still in fact a writer. I may never be able to support myself financially using the written word alone, but I will surely strive for such a thing. It is no longer just a dream, but I won't go as far as to call it a goal just yet. I choose not to classify it at this point, but I am most certainly headed in that direction. I can't see myself being satisfied with my life's work consisting of 40 more years of being a payroll supervisor. All I know is I spent two hours on Tuesday with my hands hovering over a keyboard and letting words flow freely through my fingers. It was effortless, and I felt phenomenal after I was done. I work between 40-50 hours per week at my day job, yet I felt more accomplished in those two hours. The feeling of accomplishment came from the step I took toward where I truly wanted to be, and not from any successful financial transaction or finished project. I created something, and I want to share that moment with anyone who will listen.
I will need some occasional motivation from my friends and family. But I have learned that when I need it, I should just ask for it. I know who those people will be, and I will call upon them in my time of need. I assure you that I will be there for them as well. We shall see what the future brings. I feel as if I have turned the page, moved on to the next chapter, and possibly even closed the book on the past. Right now, I am just focusing on that which is in front of me. I feel like that is necessary.