Sunday, December 18, 2011

Jaymz MacGrygor: If You Can't Beat 'Em...Razz 'Em!

So I keep getting invited to kickball games by these hipster kids I know. I'd totally love to play, but unfortunately my kneecap is being held together by model airplane glue and bailing wire. At least that's what it feels like. And that, of course keeps me from doing things like running or kicking or having doggystyle sex. But that's a different story.

Last Friday, I indulged my team spirit and went out to GT Bray to cheer on the McCabe's Irish Pub Team from the stands. I really didn't want to go by myself, cuz I have this weird anxiety thing about being in strange places alone, so I dragged my friends Matt & Rainy out. They're hermits and I wanted to show them that the outside world won't hurt them.

Turns out we weren't the only ones there...but we sure were the loudest. You see, hanging out with Matt brings out the inner asshole I've been steadily trying to hide these last few years. We spent the entire game razzing the other team (who were wearing shit-brown uniform shirts. The jokes wrote themselves) apparently to the point that they wanted to fight us.

Hey, it's sports people. It's not MY fault that half your team looks like they regularly use Geritol and your heavy hitter looks like he wants to be Fred Durst. I mean really, who wears their hat backwards anymore? Huh? Sure, I mighta been a little out of line when I was just straight-up hitting on the cute girl in the blue booty shorts, but what can I say? I'd been drinking.

It was kinda funny that at first it was just Matt and I harassing the other players. The rest of the fans seemed a little stand-offish that we would so blatantly insult people like that. But soon enough we weren't the only ones hurling insults and psyche-outs. There were quite a few "Steeeeve Perry!!"s being shouted in their direction.

Needless to say, I had a blast. I've never been good at sports, but I've always been a pretty good shit talker. And the fact that I can bandy insults about without having to embarrass myself on the field with my pathetic excuse for athletic ability, well that's just icing on the cake!!


  1. Fun post! I'd been wondering who our heckler in the stands was...

  2. I had a lot of fun myself. Thanks for taking us with you. All, well most, of the razzing was in good fun.