The other evening, Natalie and I decided to embark upon a quest to retrieve groceries from our local Wal-Mart. Anyone who has ever been to a Wal-Mart, at any given time of day, for any given reason, knows that it ALWAYS ends up being a quest. Nothing easy ever comes from making the decision to enter a Wal-Mart. Whether you need to simply grab a frozen pizza and a $5 DVD or do a month's worth of grocery shopping, there is no such thing as “in-and-out” when it comes to Wal-Mart. Actually, I take that back. Judging by the litters of children swarming around dozens of miscreants that tend to populate this place, there’s plenty of ‘in-and-out’ going on.
So after a good hour and a half of the seemingly futile attempt at mentally comparing prices and trying to eat healthy, we made our way towards the check-out counter with a cart full of canned goods, frozen meals and other such items that fit under the category of ‘unhealthy’. Screw it, we’re young. Might as well enjoy my metabolism while it still exists. With every steptoward the front of the store, my mind was racing, trying to think of anything I could possibly need so that I would not have to make another trip to this godforsaken place any time soon.
“Hey…”, I said, turning to Natalie, “lets go look at electronics before we leave.”
“Okie dokie”, she agreed.
We both knew we were not in the market for any new electronics. This was a feeble attempt at avoiding the check-out line. The single worst place in all of Wal-Mart.
After perusing the TVs, DVDs and other such technical gadgetry, we finally made out way to Lane 21. This brings me to another point; no matter what time of day nor what day of the week, does Wal-Mart ever have more than 10 lines open? EVER. But that’s a topic left up to an entirely different blog post.
So, here we are, 2+ hrs later and extremely exhausted from our quest to Wal-Mart. The groceries have been loaded into the trunk of the car and the shopping cart securely placed in the cart corral. As we are pulling out of the parking lot, a long row of various color and sized newspaper machines catch my eye and suddenly my brain is swarmed with a rapid fire series of progressively more absurd questions and scenarios, each one creating a new one in it’s place…
- Would it be crazy if one day newspapers, and printed media in general really did fade out of existence, like the telegraph?
- How would homeless people stay warm on chilly evenings?
- What other type of throw away print is there that one would willing use to line the cage of their pets?
- What would happen if I somehow traveled time and needed to immediately know what the date was?
- Would people in the distant future understand the plot device in old films, of someone looking at a newspaper to figure out what the date was, to figure out what the date was?
- Why the hell was Marty McFly wearing a goddamn life preserver!?
It was at the point of the last question that I burst into hysterical laughter, garnering some very odd looks from Natalie. The looks seemed to take on a confused/worried look as I explained to her what exactly I was laughing at. Though it quickly melted away and turned into a face that I can only describe as the look you give a retard who just told you he can count all the way to potato.
In closing, I would like to implore all of you to continue to purchase newspapers and willingly take the Keels and Wheels you see around town. This will keep the presses running, and in turn, will keep many people at work. Also, I plan to travel time into the future at some point in my life, and would like to know the date immediately upon arrival. Thanks in advance, or in the past.
“Hey…”, I said, turning to Natalie, “lets go look at electronics before we leave.”
“Okie dokie”, she agreed.
We both knew we were not in the market for any new electronics. This was a feeble attempt at avoiding the check-out line. The single worst place in all of Wal-Mart.
After perusing the TVs, DVDs and other such technical gadgetry, we finally made out way to Lane 21. This brings me to another point; no matter what time of day nor what day of the week, does Wal-Mart ever have more than 10 lines open? EVER. But that’s a topic left up to an entirely different blog post.
So, here we are, 2+ hrs later and extremely exhausted from our quest to Wal-Mart. The groceries have been loaded into the trunk of the car and the shopping cart securely placed in the cart corral. As we are pulling out of the parking lot, a long row of various color and sized newspaper machines catch my eye and suddenly my brain is swarmed with a rapid fire series of progressively more absurd questions and scenarios, each one creating a new one in it’s place…
- Would it be crazy if one day newspapers, and printed media in general really did fade out of existence, like the telegraph?
- How would homeless people stay warm on chilly evenings?
- What other type of throw away print is there that one would willing use to line the cage of their pets?
- What would happen if I somehow traveled time and needed to immediately know what the date was?
- Would people in the distant future understand the plot device in old films, of someone looking at a newspaper to figure out what the date was, to figure out what the date was?
- Why the hell was Marty McFly wearing a goddamn life preserver!?
It was at the point of the last question that I burst into hysterical laughter, garnering some very odd looks from Natalie. The looks seemed to take on a confused/worried look as I explained to her what exactly I was laughing at. Though it quickly melted away and turned into a face that I can only describe as the look you give a retard who just told you he can count all the way to potato.
In closing, I would like to implore all of you to continue to purchase newspapers and willingly take the Keels and Wheels you see around town. This will keep the presses running, and in turn, will keep many people at work. Also, I plan to travel time into the future at some point in my life, and would like to know the date immediately upon arrival. Thanks in advance, or in the past.
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